Looking at the last post that I’ve written, all I can do is laugh.
I was just about to rant about how college is basically everything I hoped it wouldnt be.
I came here hoping that I can ACTUALLY start fresh, start new. fix all the mistakes that i made in the past. make new relationships that wont deteriorate the person i am. if anything, help me to become a better person.
I just wanted things to get a bit different once i got here. maybe a bit easier. a bit more fair.
Was I really asking too much? I didn’t ask for the best grades. or to be popular. or to be the most loved.
Yet, here is just like home. nothing much changed. just the names & faces.
& i catch myself going down the same exact path i promised myself i wouldn’t..
I’ve learned in the past not to expect anything because when there are expectations, follows disappointment. Once again, I have been disappointed, the worst, dirtiest, grimiest, bullshit feeling.
i knew history repeated itself but I didn’t think it pertained to me. I thought I would just be a bystander, not the victim.